This blog has its origins in this year’s most unusual Christmas lunch. What made it different was that amongst those around the table were three who don’t often meet together but have now known each other for around eighty years. The most senior was Margaret (now 99), who had looked after Martin (now 81) when he was a toddler and then a year later Rohan (now 78) soon after she was born. Not surprisingly, conversation at the meal was peppered with banter, jokes and reminiscences from their accumulated years.  

The tone was in part set before lunch when Margaret arrived and immediately gave Martin a telling off. Dressed from top-to-toe in bright reds and pinks (for top half, see illustration), she walked up to Martin and with a mischievous expression and in a loud voice said “You are a very naughty boy”. 

We all knew to what she was referring, as the particular event has become part of our family history and is still talked about by one of the original children (now nearly 80 himself) of the neighbours who came to the rescue. The naughtiness was far from trivial. When Martin was five, he helped his sister Rohan, then two-and-a-half, to climb on to the roof of their bungalow. Anxious adults gathered on the ground below and shouted advice and without their help the two might not have escaped unhurt.  

Now to how the three met. By birth, all of them are New Zealanders, and in Auckland 1944, Margaret, then a music student with some free time, helped look after Martin, then a toddler – while his mother worked part-time. In late 1945, Rohan was born and Margaret took her on as well. Margaret’s caring responsibilities continued till the children left for England three and a half years later. 

After their move, Margaret and her two charges lost touch; however many years later, when Margaret moved to England, contact with Rohan was once again established. In conversation one day Margaret said that she was looking to buy a house near ours and described exactly what she wanted. In next to no time a purchase and more was completed. She bought one of the terraced cottages in our street – where, fifty years on, she still lives – and with the cottage she also ‘bought’ the estate agent who was selling it. For years, and until his death, Norman was a loving companion! Then, as now, Margaret was quick-thinking with a ‘wicked’ sense of humour!

In many ways this blog should be dedicated to Margaret herself. She has not only become a friend of the family but is also one of Rohan’s role models and heroines. Moreover, that lunch, and all I know of her independence, humour and courage over the years marks her out as very special.

The extraordinary thing about Margaret is that, despite her age her endearing features remain. She is a lifelong left-wing atheist with a strong feminist leaning. She is fiercely independent, still living alone unaided in her terraced cottage and, until very recently drove a car. She is outspoken, speaks her mind and when she is ‘engaged’, her memory is remarkable. When presents were being given out on Christmas day, attached to one of hers was a card with a picture of an owl and a pussycat. The picture prompted her to give a flawless recital of Edward Lear’s poem. In addition to all this she is kind and amusing and never far from bursting into laughter. She is also courageous. Her first husband was a violent man. One day, when he approached her with the intention of inflicting more hurt, Margaret waited until he was near, then gave him an almighty “kick in the balls ». He collapsed to the ground and then got up and limped for a week to find that Margaret and her daughter had left!

As a newborn, Rohan was looked after by Margaret. Now, Rohan goes to see the 99-year old indomitable Margaret once a week to chat and, if needs be, to help – full circle! And, by the way, Margaret came for Christmas lunch on one condition – I should make plenty of my ‘special’ gravy for the Turkey. The last time she came she was seen sipping the gravy out of its boat by the spoonful thinking no one was looking! This time she was seen doing it again!

The illustration is a photo of Margaret dressed in reds and pinks when she came for lunch with us on Christmas Day. 

For helping me write the blog, I would like to thank Margaret, Vivie, Rohan and Vivien.