Over two days we talked and talked. Rohan and I plus our two guests – a second Rohan and her husband Marc – had never been together like this before. Now there were just the four of us, with no children and no Rob who died in 2018 aged 84. Rob had been a close friend of mine for over fifty years and it was he who had provided the thread that bound us all together. This blog is about the catching-up we did as we shared memories and emotions, exchanged ideas, and with all this, reunited.

Rob and I met in 1966; I was doing a month-long course on a maternity unit while he was working at the same hospital but on another ward. I am not sure how we met, it could well have been in the hospital canteen, but we immediately clicked. We communicated with ease, we were on the same wave-length, we laughed at the same jokes – we even once had a giggling fit together – we were fascinated by new ideas and we shared the same values; both of us were left wing atheists. There were also some interesting differences – I was a 24-year-old uncultured medical student from London, he a 29 year old well-read, doctor from Australia – but these simply added to the ‘chemistry’ of our friendship.

Soon I met his wife and their two children and he met Rohan, my then girlfriend. In 1967 he went back to Australia and when two years later his third child was born she was named after Rohan – by then my wife who became Rohan One. In giving his Rohan (Rohan Two) this rarest of girls’ names – at that time she was only the second in the world – Rob’s Rohan immediately became very special to us and so it has remained.

Although we have lived on opposite sides of the world, I would see Rob every two or three years either in Australia or in Europe; indeed not long before he died, he spent a week with us in Brittany. 

Six months ago, Rohan Two, now in her mid fifties, rang from Australia to ask if she and Marc could stay with us for few days during the summer. It was now five years since their last European sortie and this time their children were old enough to be left behind. Moreover, by midsummer, after years writing his PhD, Marc deserved a holiday! During their six weeks in Europe, they planned to come to France and wondered if, in August, we would be in our Brittany cottage, about which Rob had often talked so fondly. We were delighted with the idea and plans were forged.

When they arrived, lots of hugs and kisses were exchanged and over meals and cuppas, walks or drives, talking was unstoppable. We reflected on and talked about Rob, about their careers and aspirations, about their plans for the future and retirement, about children and about us. Inevitably there was also discussion about political and environmental issues, and the direction in which society at large was going. And in everything, communication was easy and so often we were at one. 

As we talked, for me there were two key recurring sentiments: first, that it was impossible for me not to see Rob in Rohan Two, second that there were uncanny similarities between the two Rohans – to me, their link by name seemed to have had so many other implications.

First to the many mannerisms of Rohan Two that reminded me of her father: the way she held her face, smiled, listened and responded. Interestingly, I found myself speaking as I would have done to him and in part her replies resembled his. It might sound odd to say this, but part of Rob was with us and while this could have been eerie it was in fact a pleasure.

Now the uncanny similarity between the two Rohans. As they talked it was clear that both women were calm, bright, warm, thoughtful and strong. Both were also original and independent thinkers with considered opinions who listened to others and responded. Moreover, if they disagreed, they did so with precision and diplomacy. And finally, both shared the same values in which feminism, atheism, socialism, equality and social justice were a part of their being. And to top it all, both agreed how well they got on together 

It was a whirlwind of a stay but a truly wonderful one, and it seems that naming Rohan Two after Rohan One was a very clever move. And, as a footnote, just after Marc left he learned the results of his PhD – it had been accepted. Brilliant! 

The illustration is a photo of Rohan One and Rohan Two chatting together after a meal in Brittany a fortnight or so ago.

For helping me write this blog, I would like to thank Marc, Rohan Two, Rohan One and Vivien.